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    June 02

    9.男人

    从小区出来,我们沿着一排昏昏欲睡的店铺走。她没有和我并肩,而是跟在我后面。我们从一家儿童泳池门口经过的时候,我感觉到她下意识地放慢脚步。为了使她不至于完全停下,我像以前那样加快步子,提醒她跟上。
    有阵子我都觉得这女人无可救药了,她的头脑完全被求而不得的事情控制了,我不知道怎么帮她,我只是默默地擦着地板,做着饭,感受着纷扰中流逝的时间,静待它再把以前的女人还回来。前一阵子,她开始将希望转嫁给中药,她托我买回这样那样的中药,一味一味地品尝,那种煞有介事的驾势可以媲美古代的炼丹师。我的感觉是,她义无返顾地淌进了一片漫无边际的沼泽,并很快深陷其中不知脱身。随着时间的推移和对中药的了解,她列出的药单越来越贵越来越难找,更可怕的是一次比一次苦。她赌气似地对峙着自己的味觉,很多时候,我都认定它们之间是在互相虐待,她却感觉不到。
    我们沿着一条新修的路走。路两边除了荒草就是被人扔掉的一次性塑料袋,可乐瓶,干瘪的烟盒,破碎的瓷片和玻璃。不时有几只鸟飞过,它们快活地跳跃着飞行,看上去,仿佛刚刚逃离了远处的一场性命攸关的噩梦。
    今天回家之前我去了学校的图书馆。我复印了很多估计她会感兴趣的资料,离开的时候,我顺手将报刊处多出的几张近期的旧报纸一道带回了家。我没想到报纸上还有这样的小广告,或者说,根本就没想到世界上还有这样一种职业,闻所未闻,它可以使患者完全摆脱喝药的痛苦,并且,对药效没有丝毫影响。我给她看过之后,她和我一样兴奋。
    我们在旧城区的穷街陋巷每走一步都盘算着距离那个小广告上的地址还有多远。我能感觉到她在我身后变得忽快忽慢的步子传达的忐忑。下午四点五十分。诊所六点下班的话,现在到正好。

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